Earlier in the week, I referenced a page in Peg Kaplan's blog: What If... . She had written a piece I thought was great, entitled "Strangers in a Strange Land." She has received some good comments on it, too. (Hello, Peg) Needless to say, her posts (and others like it) are right up my alley. Gets me thinking, lol.
I don't know if there's just one solitary answer to why things are so different, i.e. we don't have time to even know our neighbors anymore. Yes, quite possibly (and my belief) we spend so much time making money that sometimes there's just not much left of us to give. But a comment had me thinking: There does seem to be so much more desire for 'privacy' nowadays. Seems we've been somehow trained to always call first. Or make that great appointment to get together...
Which makes me wonder why? Why such a huge desire for privacy -- that we willingly fence ourselves in, set up caller id, let the recorder pick up a call, etc. Sometimes we even hope no one drops by or calls. It's like we need that time to ourselves... and then some.
It reminded me of something that happened in my life about a year ago. A former coworker and I had kept in touch via phone (sporadically). We had talked of getting together a few times but hadn't managed it. She had just survived breast cancer along with some other really tough times in her life.
Dh and I were driving around one day when I recognized the street name. I knew it was where my friend lived with her dh. I talked dh into stopping in at the local supermarket where I picked up a colorful bouquet of fresh flowers. On the way back to find her place, there was a message in the back of my mind... "This is a no-no! It's not okay nowadays to drop in. It just isn't done anymore."
I usually listen to these messages -- always try to do the *right thing.* But this time I ignored it, called her on the phone stating that I was right there. Could I drop by? "Of course!" she said. So we did. She, her dh and I visited maybe an hour.
Less than a year later, her name caught my attention on the local news. She'd gone to work that day at a local church where she worked with homeless people. A homeless man had stabbed her. The damage was done and she did not survive.
I didn't make it to her funeral. The day before, we had brought a 16-y-o foster son home to live with us, and it didn't work out that I could go see her one last time.
I'm glad now that I ignored that small voice that day. I hope she forgives me for not being there for a final goodbye. After things settled down here at home, I wondered, "when did it become such a no-no to drop by to say hello?"
There's still one place I know of where's it's considered a great thing to drop in -- and that's in the small town where I grew up. Maybe 1,000 people or so... Problem is, it's over an hour away. And that can seem too far sometimes to pick up and go when life is so hectic.
... That elusive W-H-Y...
- Why are we *cocooning?* (A word coined by trend expert, Faith Popcorn, popcorn.html.)
- Why are we so busy that we hope no one drops by?
- Why are we building in such privacy measures -- while missing the openness of earlier days?
- Why is it, with all the modern technology and tools we have (designed to make life easier, remember?) that we seem to have less time and energy for others -- and for ourselves?
Any thoughts? Opinions? Hunches? Your comments are welcome. :-)
One very old fashioned activity that I have always loved is STOPPING BY people's homes! I figure that if you do it, you have to be prepared for people to say, "Sorry, it's not a good time now." But no one's feelings, either the visitor nor the visitee, should be hurt.
Yet, almost no one ever does this anymore. When I was a kid, it was commonplace - and pleasant! How fun to have a friend surprise you, and then to take the time to catch up in person.
Why does there seem to be such a dearth of real intimacy in our world today? I honestly do not know.
I think that some of it is that too many of us have no idea how to BE intimate any longer. We don't know how to share of ourselves. We haven't been raised to really love and give of ourselves.
Perhaps future generations will be able to go back, and recover what currently seems to be lost to us.
I hope so.
Posted by: Peg K | June 13, 2004 at 08:06 PM